I don't normally think of myself as vain, but I do normally think of myself as intelligent. Right now "stunned" is probably the best word. It has been a very long time since I found something I really wanted and went after it and failed. Some people would tell you that I am unused to rejection because I don't take a ton of risks, which is true, but I very seldom find something worth taking a risk for. Perhaps I have been too lucky and too many of the great things in my life (particularly my amazing friends) have just happened as if by magic. So, while I am trying to be philosophical ("it wasn't meant to be"), I am also wondering in what area I was not good enough. (The reasons for their decisions are private and proprietary and will not be discussed with the candidate.) I also find it strange that something that felt like such a perfect fit at just the right time just fizzled without a real reason. Julie Andrews' voice is telling me, that the Reverend Mother always says where God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. --- Please do alert me if you notice the open window.
On a more positive note for my mental health, the creature sharing my condo has started to almost resemble a real cat. I have been allowed to pet her about once a day -- sometimes for up to 3 whole minutes -- and she has invited me to play with her mousey a few times. She is finally feeling at home enough to sit on the sofa or hop onto the bed for up to 30 seconds and is sitting in the spot I made her by the patio door and watching the birds. Two months of a ghost under the bed and suddenly an almost cat has appeared. Give it another year or so and she might even sit next to me or sleep on the bed instead of under it.